


its the light, and the obstacle that casts it

by LILAC3141592



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Death, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, I have feelings, M/M, One Shot, Pining, Protective Richie Tozier, Sad Eddie Kaspbrak, Sad Ending, Stargazing, listen, title from hozier song yee, you are allowed one (1) emotion and its sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:47:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24055426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LILAC3141592/pseuds/LILAC3141592
Summary: “I wanna leave this stupid town and my stupid mum” Eddies face had turned red again, not from the chill this time. His eyebrows were drawn together and he looked all too sad for someone so young. “So never lets me do anything and she blames everything on me and I hate it here”Eddie's voice grew heavy as he continued and Richie didn't know what to do.-----listen,,, I believe that Eddie shouldn't have been buried in a town in  l i t e r a l   opposition him. I rlly didn't like that he was never truly able to get away from Derry or from his past so I wrote this :)) enjoy!
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Kudos: 14





	its the light, and the obstacle that casts it

“-I did, I think I killed it for real!”

He didn’t, kill it that is. This was evident by the claw that had sprung from Pennywise. It impaled Eddie in the centre of his chest, spurting blood on Richie's face and picking him up. 

For a second, with Eddie in Pennywise's grasp he almost didn't recognise him. He looked like he should've been in some renaissance painting. 

Richie lay there, on the stone cold floor. It was a chill that dug under his skin, stiffened his body. It wormed its way into his bones and he felt like he would never be warm again. 

On his arrival to Derry, Richie had felt something he hadn't felt in a long time. Something like happiness.

Richie was angry then. He had been cruising through life for twenty-seven years, just almost making it by.. Catching those feelings in short bursts, weighed down by the feeling of, well, it wasn't sadness. It definitely isn't happiness. It was a feeling brought about by the thought that this was all there was to life. These moments of happiness, few and far between were all he had left going for him. 

Now Richie wasn't going to tribute his sudden dopamine boost on fucking  _ D _ _erry_ of all places. The place was unlovable in its very nature. It bore the seeds of everything wrong in the world.

No.

The most plausible theory would be Eddie. 

It’s always been Eddie. 

For twenty-seven years Richie has felt detached from the real world, like his life wasn't his own. Like he wanted to be important. He dropped out of college, performed jokes he didn't write about a girlfriend he never had. 

Eddie had made him feel whole again. 

That's why, watching Eddie's body thrown across the dank cave by a monster he had barely comprehended, his heart dropped in his stomach.

_ \----- _

_ “Hey, “ Richie's voice was squeaky and shrilled, “weasel boy, get over here”. He tugged on Eddie's shirt, pulling him away from the crowd that had gathered around the classroom entrance. In ‘Eddie’ fashion, the boy whined but he didn't stop Richie from pulling him along.  _

_ Richie thought, no. he knew that Eddie was sadder than he looked, he tried to cover it up with quick wit and sarcasm but Richie saw through that. _

_ It had been Eddie's eleventh birthday over the weekend and due to his lovely mother, one miss Sonia Kaspbrak, he had spent the entirety of the day in his room, going up-the-wall insane.  _

_ “Those boys just aren't right for you” he imagined Miss Kaspbrak spouting in the doorway to Eddie's room, she turned to leave, arms crossed. “Just you wait” she would mutter, walking down the stairs, stepping on the cracks not intentionally, but because she never walked up them enough to memorise where they were.  _

_ Eddie assumed that everyone had forgotten, as it was over a month ago now, but not Richie.  _

_ He dragged his friend over to his locker. It made an ugly creaking sound as it opened. Eddie winced but Richie didn't care, he was busy raising hell rummaging through his bag, pulling out books and homework he had no intention of doing. During this time he also bought out a clear container, it dropped to the floor in Richie’s previously mentioned, attempting to raise hell. Eddie looked at his friend but his head had already disappeared into his locker so he picked it up, peering inside.  _

_ He then proceeded to let out a girlish squeal and drop the container, it rattled on the floor for a moment. Inside had Richie's two year old ham sandwich, Bill and Eddie had discovered it half a year ago, past the rotting stage in Richie’s backpack and left it as it was, “not our problem”, Bill had reasoned. _

_ “Dude” Eddie exclaimed, “gross” he wiped his hands on Richie's shirt.  _

_ “Found it” Richie all but yelled. He moved to extract his head from his locker, slamming it into the top as he did so. He muttered a surprising amount of curse words for a boy of his age before standing to face Eddie.  _

_ “Here, for you,” he said, breathing heavily as he passed the package to Eddie. _

_ Eddie cupped the gift in his hands, unwrapping it so gently one would think it was made for glass. _

_ “Anyway” Richie forced out “it’s nothin’ big but I thought you'd like it” with that he slammed his looker shut and walked past Eddie, into the classroom, head down. _

_ Eddie's eyes followed Riche until he disappeared behind the door, his hands clenched around the parcel. It was wrapped in newspaper and a little moist, he attributed that to the hours it had already spent in his friend's backpack. _

_ He unwrapped it slowly, class forgotten.  _

_ Eddie was in his own world as the gift unravelled. He let the paper fall to the ground to reveal… _

_ “A compass?” What would Eddie do with a compass? It was bronze and shined when he moved it. It was rusted around the chain link and Eddie knew straight away that it had passed through many hands other than his. The centre was a pale yellow, turned that way by age.  _

_ He turned the compass in his palm, a message revealed itself on the back.  _ **_‘For Eddie’_ ** _ it read  _ **_‘so you don't get lost’._ **

_ It was rudimentary and simple but that didn't stop the itch Eddie felt in his cheeks that usually preceded blushing. _

_ Eddie walked into class two minutes later. His teacher gave him a sour look but he was high on dopamine and didn't even notice _

_ If anyone so asked; no, he did not stand in the hallway, dumbfounded for a good thirty seconds, his thumb and forefinger running over the text and no he definitely did not meet Richie's eyes, blush even harder, look down and proceed to smile one of the dopiest smiles known to mankind. _

_ Why would you even think that? _

_ \----- _

“We can't just-t  _ leave _ him here” Richie spoke through choked back gasps. His entire face burned and the pain in his ribs told him we was already halfway through a panic attack. One hand cupped Eddie's cold cheek with the other resting on his waist. He frantically looked around at all of the Losers. Although not in full-blown hysteria some looked quite close. Nobody said anything.

_ Please _ Richie thought _ , please, please, no _ . the walls around them begun to shake, not that he cared, or even noticed

“Richie” a voice piped up, “w- we have to go” the voice was thick and wet. Richie didn't think he was able to feel so much pain, to spread to his entire body, weighing down his legs, shuting his mouth. He felt like he would never be able to move again. 

_ This is what it feels like. _

Richie's hands began to shake. 

“I'm not l-leaving him” Richie let out, doing his best to keep a steady face. “I won't”. His voice was definitive.

\-----

_ The fact that Richie was awake at 2:57 am is no fault of his parents. Maggie Tozier cooked dinner at 6:00pm, perfect timing for when her husband, Wentworth Tozier would come home from the clinic, complaining about annoying clients. They would eat as a family and, if Richie was lucky he would be able to watch a movie before his bedtime of 9:00 pm.  _

_ Often, he would then proceed to lay still, in a dark room well into the night. He would listen to the tick of the clock and the creeks of their home when a particularly heavy gust of wind shook the trees. He could never quite turn his brain off. His fingers would twitch to the side of him, aching to have something to fidget with. He would be bombarded of memories of the previous day, trying to hold on to the ones he held dear. He would think up funny jokes he was sure to forget in the morning.  _

_ Some nights he would lay in his bed, unable to sleep and unable to think of things to distract him. His mind would be clear but still, he wouldn't rest.  _

_ That was even worse.  _

_ It was now 3:03 and Richie still wasn't asleep.  _

_ The branches outside his bedroom window smacked harshly on the glass. Richie was used to this. They did again a few more times before they yelled something along the lines of “hey asshole, open up”. _

_ Richie's eyes flew open. Yes he was sleep deprived, which usually meant whatever intelligence he had left the picture but last he heard trees did not speak.  _

_ Richie stretched to turn on his light, his muscles ached from their forced stillness. Picking up his glasses, he turned to the window to find the one and only, Eddie Kasprack. He was balanced in the tree, still in the clothes he wore to school, his knees clacked together and he looked downright miserable. _

_ Richie blinked. Once. twice. A third time. All before his body jumped into work mode and rushed to his window, prying it open and letting his friend inside.  _

_ “What the shit?” Richie asked. _

_ “Shut up for a second” Eddie's face was a bright red. Richie didn't want to think about how long he had been out in the cold, alone for.  _

_ Richie knew that it took about ten minutes to ride to Eddie's house. Now Derry, Maine wasn't exactly known for its safety. Something about the town seemed to draw in all the creeps and serial killers from across the world, like it had a large neon sign reading: _

**_Too much law enforcement in your area? Come to Derry, where the police do Jack-Shit._ **

_ Something about the town bred cruelty, pushed people to do horrific things. Derry was rotten from the inside out, so you wouldn't be surprised to find that Richie ‘flipped his shit’. _

_ “What the hell”, Richie started “where you thinking, you realise like, half of the kids have already gone ‘missing’” his eyebrows furrowed “you wanted to add to that huh?” okay, maybe he was exaggerating. _

_ Eddie scowled at him, “shut up Rich’”. _

_ Richie paused and breathed deeply before walking past Eddie, looking out of his window. “Dude, where’s your bike?” He faced Eddie. The shorter boy flopped onto Richies bed, pulling the covers over himself and sighing deeply.  _

_ Eddie pressed his face into the pillow, “Mum took it” _

_ “Huh?” _

_ Eddie lifted his face for a second. “My mum took it” Eddie had walked to Riches house, alone. _

_ Richie made a noise, just a small vibration in the back of his throat, to show he was listening.  _

_ “She told me that I could never leave her, cus if I did I would end up just like Dad” Eddie's Dad had died of cancer when he was five. He didn't really like to talk about it all that much but there were times when he thought about how different it could have been if he didnt pass. Maybe Sonia would have been normal, maybe he wouldn't have to worry about the dirt under his fingernails, the radio towers that give you tumors and the exposed cuts that give you disease and maybe he could live his life without the ever present knowledge that, at the end of the day, he would have to return home to /her/.  _

_ Eddie shuddered at the thought. _

_ “She kept tellin’ me that everything outside our house was gonna get me” Eddie spoke in a monotone voice. “I don't know why but I wanted to leave and, well, your house is the only one I remember how to get to, so, I came here.” he paused. “I'm sorry” _

_ “For what?” _

_ “I woke you up, didn't I?” _

_ “I” Richie realized that he was actually expected to be asleep at this hour “no, dude, I wasn't asleep anyways” _

_ “Oh”, Eddie looked uncomfortable, “still” _

_ Richie chucked him a random jacked from his ever growing clothes pile. “Come hither Edwardo and feast your eyes on what i'm about to show you” _

_ Eddie rolled his eyes and followed Richie as they sneaked down the stairs. _

_ \----- _

Richie couldn't think. Hell, he could barely breathe. He was so caught up in what had become of Eddie that he forgot who he was. Looking back, Richie would remember two things clearly…

  1. Richie had insisted on carrying Eddie out by himself but that soon proved impossible. Halfway through their hurried escape Mike had taken him, gingerly and slowly. At some points, he would think himself into believing that the footfalls behind him were Eddies, that he was going to look over to see his eyes open, a little confused, a little beaten up. But alive. 
  2. The sinking feeling that settled under his heart and poured out of his eyes when he looked back. He would sometimes make eye contact with Mike. His eyes didn't look any better. 



There was a stinging feeling in his gums and under eyes he only got when it all became too much. 

The last time it had gotten that bad was when he and Bill fought, back when they were kids. He had run home, hurried up the stairs and slammed the door so hard the walls shook and the small turtle figurine on his bed head had fallen off, landing in the corner of the room.

Maggie Tozier had made her way up to her son's room and spoke with a calm voice. She had held him in a way that didn't make him want to leave.

She hadn't said anything when he cried, or when tears soaked her shoulder.

Maggie Tozier had died four years before Richie would return to Derry, one year after her husband. 

Richie had made it out of the house just as the wood broke and begun to tumble in on itself. Mike stood still as he watched. He did not mourn like Richie did, Richie was loud and unapologetic and angry. Mike let tears fall freely, quietly, he only moved in the slight tremor of his lips. As the house fell it buried all of their fears and all of their memories.

_ Eddie would have been there, _ Richie thought  _ if we didn't get him out. _

Derry was an awful place to die. 

\-----

_ Richie threw himself onto the grass. He winced at his head met the ground, maybe he had put a little too much force into that one. _

_ The chill in the air turned Richie's fingers into ice, but Eddie had rugged up, so it was alright. Richie opened his eyes to look at his friend. Eddie stood above him with a face Richie knew meant he was holding back a smile, trying to make it seem that he /didn't/ think Richie was the coolest moron in Derry.  _

_ Eddie had doe eyes, something Richie found incredibly endearing. He knew that everyone else thought it too, aunts and uncles would grab at his cheeks and people would walk up to him, cooing and making odd noises for mature age people and say -”oh my, he's just so cute”. _

_ Eddie would then proceed to open his big, fat mouth. That usually drove them away. _

_ It only brought Richie closer.  _

_ Richie moved his head to gesture to Eddie to join him.  _

_ He did just that. If Richie was being honest he expected a little tousle or banter before Eddie resigned. This was okay too though.  _

_ Eddie breathed out in a puff of white smoke and put his head gingerly on the grass, unlike Richie had.  _

_ “So” Eddie shuffled closer to his friend. “What was the point?” _

_ Richie was acutely aware of how Eddie had pressed his knees into his side and how the warmth was so much more on the cold night.  _

_ “Sometimes” Richie stared into the depths of the night sky. “When I can't sleep, I look out the window and-” he made a shrugging gesture that looked slightly silly when lying down. “I don't know, it calms me” _

_ Eddie stopped. He had been moving the entire night, his brain running on high but it was that moment he just stopped.  _

_ Eddie's face crumbled. “I wanna leave” Eddie's voice was too loud for that time of night and Richie's eyes were already flickering to his parents window, waiting for a light to turn on and a window to open.  _

_ “I wanna leave this stupid town and my stupid mum” Eddies face had turned red again, not from the chill this time. His eyebrows were drawn together and he looked all too sad for someone so young. “So never lets me do anything and she blames everything on me and I hate it here” _

_ Eddie's voice grew heavy as he continued and Richie didn't know what to do. _

_ Eddie had cried in front of him. When Richie had first met Eddie he was sat in the corner of the classroom, red-faced and giving the teacher the I-will-murder-you-in-your-sleep eyes. Eddie would tell him later that Mrs.D had called up Sonia to complain about her sons ‘foul mouth. Eddie would stare Richie straight in the eyes, his own black and intense ‘if you think calling her a 'motherfucker' is ‘foul language’, then sure’. Richie had looked at this boy, all rage and over-the-top hand gestures and thought “he's gonna be my best friend” _

_ “It's okay,” Richie tried. “Once we're old enough we’ll go, you and me” Eddie died down.  _

_ “Really?” _

_ “Of course” Richie moved closer, “i'll even take you to Las Vegas” _

_ Eddie quirked an eyebrow at him, “you realise that places’ gross right?” _

_ Richie gave him a look, his lips quirked slightly, “mhh’ maybe see your Mum there” _

_ “And you ruined it” Richie let out a laugh, muffled by his hand. Eddie hid his grin in his shoulder.  _

_ Richie and Eddie lay side by side under the stars, Richie let out a small chuckle every now and then until they stopped completely.  _

_ There was nothing you could say about Derry that was positive. Everything from its weather to its goddamned road side trash collection was downright awful. There would be no ‘ _ **_10 reasons to visit Derry, Maine!’_ ** _ because the journalist would give up on point three.  _

_ As eloquently as you could say, Derry sucked.  _

_ But the stars always shone bright, Richie would give it that. _

_ “Look” Richie pointed one finger to the sky, “those stars go over Las Vegas too” he turned to Eddie, “we will be there in no time” _

_ Eddie smiled.  _

_ Richie knew that they would have to get up soon. That it was nearing 4:00am, that his parents would throw a fit if they found out how late he stayed up till. Richie thought Eddie would have gotten up by now, complaining of grass stains and a suspiciously itchy neck but he hadn't. So with all this knowledge they stayed there. _

_ Eddie and Richie would walk into school the next day, horribly tired, eye bags and all but they would be grinning. _

\-----

Eddie was buried on the West Coast in California, in some small town graveyard. He had been buried with the compass, found in the deep pockets of his jacket. The message was still there.

It was the furthest Eddie could get from Derry. The town that sunk its talons into him and never seemed to let go.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading, kudos and comments are appreciated uwu !


End file.
